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About Photography / Artist Official Beta Tester Carla Sophia33/Female/Portugal Groups :iconsunsets: sunsets
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Deviant for 9 Years
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My past year...

Sun Jan 3, 2016, 6:55 PM

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Hello all, Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a great holidays :)
Last year was very bitter for me, started ok, but then in July just got bad to worse. Once again my heart was fooled and my life at home is really bad. Since we have a huge lack of money, stress levels are really high and me and my parents spent all days fighting or not talking at all to each other, not even when we are having dinner (when we have food to eat). But, the good thing is, i found someone to help me to put some food on the table, but still, sometimes in the weekends we dont eat at all, the thing is or we pay the bills and dont eat, or we eat and dont pay the bills, really hard to balance that,we live day by day, but i feel really blessed and gratefull to have that extra help.

Everyday it gets harder.
Everyday it's like a nightmare progressing on.
Everyday is another prayer echohing from my bones asking God to take me now.
Everyday I close up more.
Everyday it gets more impossible.
Everyday I feel myself die some more.
Everyday I lay on my bed wondering how I'll leave this hell.
I've never felt so much pain.

Personally, my depression is getting worse and worse and I feel like i'm drowning. I'm all alone, the few people I trust just turn their back on me, once they were here, now they are gone, i dont even know why. Well, i do know, no one wants to deal with a person like me, with all these problems and shit. I never fail to my friends, no matter what is going on in my life i'm always there to who needs, no matter what. But me... no, i'm always alone, no will tell me everything will be ok, no one will give me hugs and make me smile. I always cry alone, my best and worse time, i spent them alone.
I laugh when those old ladies, neighboors, ask my mom if i have a boyfriend, cause really... what guy wants a girl like me, full of shit, ugly, fat and crippled. This was never an issue for me, but now, i just hate myself, i avoid mirrors, i dont let my mom put the mirrors she wants to put in the livingroom. I dont show to people how i really feel, i always have a smile for everyone.
I'm such a disappointment, I failed to make something usefull with my life, i'm a dead weight to my parents and no matter what i do, i cant keep the ones i love near me. Everytime i woke up, i'm like "oh shit, i'm still breathing", i'm only alive cause i'm to coward to end it. But i do, i bet in a few days no one will remember me, and my parents will forget me soon enough.
I keep doing my photography cause its the only thing that keeps me going, although my sales was a disaster in 2015, but i just keep doing it, for me, my heart still beats cause of it, one day i hope someone will understand the way i see (or saw) the world.
I'm to damaged, to broken, to useless to exist... and i know no one will read this, but while my tears run down my face, deep down i hope someone will read this and understand a little of what i feel.

Before the storm II by CarlaSophia Heartbroken I by CarlaSophia

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Carla Sophia
Artist | Photography
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mistery. Today? Today is a gift, that's why we call it the Present!"

Photographer since 2005, everything started as a fun day with some friends, i was playing with my best friend’s camera and start loving it. Since then, i learn as much as i can and be better every day and show the world as i see it.

My links:
:bulletblue: RedBubble - Buy my Art
:bulletblue: The Untapped Source
:bulletblue: Like me on Facebook
:bulletblue: 500px



Add a Comment:
JenFruzz Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Hi there! :wave:

I'm just leaving this comment to welcome you to the AnimalsPlantsNature group. Thanks for joining :aww: We hope you find the group helpful and enjoy the artwork that other nature photographers share with us.

Our submission guidelines are located directly on the front page. Be on the lookout for our group blogs which include features, contest announcements, and APN news from around DeviantArt and the internet!

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to contact us by sending a note directly to the group.

Happy deviating! :butterfly:

CarlaSophia Featured By Owner 5 hours ago   Photographer
Thanks! :heart:
Whimsical-Dreams Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2016  Professional Photographer
Hi Carla, I just want to thank you so much for featuring my photography in a few of your journal entries last year. It truly does mean a lot to me!
I read your latest journal and it really breaks my heart that you think of yourself in such a way. I know all too well about depression and anxiety, and how sometimes things can seem so hopeless. I just want to tell you, from someone who has been in a similar dark place, that everything DOES get better... I'm saying this not to comfort you, but as a fact - there will always be better days to come. Please look forward to that. Know that you aren't alone in how you feel. From what I can read on your page, your energy is kind, and I think that's something very special. Use that lovely energy and you will attract lovely things in life. :heart:
If you ever need to chat, I'm here. Please don't hesitate to message me. x
CarlaSophia Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2016   Photographer
Thank you, your words mean a lot :heart: :hug:
Whimsical-Dreams Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2016  Professional Photographer
:heart: Just the truth.. and I do hope it makes a little difference knowing you're not alone in how you feel.. I know all too well.. but there is light at the end of the tunnel x
CarlaSophia Featured By Owner 5 days ago   Photographer
kiriOkami Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you very much for the watch! :hug:
CarlaSophia Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2016   Photographer
Queen-Kitty Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2015   Photographer
Thank you for the favorites!  I'm really glad you enjoyed my photography!
CarlaSophia Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2015   Photographer
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