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My past year...

Sun Jan 3, 2016, 6:55 PM


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Hello all, Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a great holidays :)
Last year was very bitter for me, started ok, but then in July just got bad to worse. Once again my heart was fooled and my life at home is really bad. Since we have a huge lack of money, stress levels are really high and me and my parents spent all days fighting or not talking at all to each other, not even when we are having dinner (when we have food to eat). But, the good thing is, i found someone to help me to put some food on the table, but still, sometimes in the weekends we dont eat at all, the thing is or we pay the bills and dont eat, or we eat and dont pay the bills, really hard to balance that,we live day by day, but i feel really blessed and gratefull to have that extra help.

Everyday it gets harder.
Everyday it's like a nightmare progressing on.
Everyday is another prayer echohing from my bones asking God to take me now.
Everyday I close up more.
Everyday it gets more impossible.
Everyday I feel myself die some more.
Everyday I lay on my bed wondering how I'll leave this hell.
I've never felt so much pain.


Personally, my depression is getting worse and worse and I feel like i'm drowning. I'm all alone, the few people I trust just turn their back on me, once they were here, now they are gone, i dont even know why. Well, i do know, no one wants to deal with a person like me, with all these problems and shit. I never fail to my friends, no matter what is going on in my life i'm always there to who needs, no matter what. But me... no, i'm always alone, no will tell me everything will be ok, no one will give me hugs and make me smile. I always cry alone, my best and worse time, i spent them alone.
I laugh when those old ladies, neighboors, ask my mom if i have a boyfriend, cause really... what guy wants a girl like me, full of shit, ugly, fat and crippled. This was never an issue for me, but now, i just hate myself, i avoid mirrors, i dont let my mom put the mirrors she wants to put in the livingroom. I dont show to people how i really feel, i always have a smile for everyone.
I'm such a disappointment, I failed to make something usefull with my life, i'm a dead weight to my parents and no matter what i do, i cant keep the ones i love near me. Everytime i woke up, i'm like "oh shit, i'm still breathing", i'm only alive cause i'm to coward to end it. But i do, i bet in a few days no one will remember me, and my parents will forget me soon enough.
I keep doing my photography cause its the only thing that keeps me going, although my sales was a disaster in 2015, but i just keep doing it, for me, my heart still beats cause of it, one day i hope someone will understand the way i see (or saw) the world.
I'm to damaged, to broken, to useless to exist... and i know no one will read this, but while my tears run down my face, deep down i hope someone will read this and understand a little of what i feel.

Before the storm II by CarlaSophia Heartbroken I by CarlaSophia



Featured Artist



:star: :icondennischunga: :star:
B L U S H by DennisChunga Under A Spell by DennisChunga Bubble by DennisChunga Ghost Road by DennisChunga Falling Deeper by DennisChunga On The Way Down by DennisChunga

:star: :icondensenmaniya: :star:
Picnic at Smoky Hill -Complet by DensenManiya Prisoner of 25kY by DensenManiya Vn by DensenManiya There is no shoe by DensenManiya TOYs by DensenManiya HairCut by DensenManiya

:star: :icondepinz: :star:
just_like_you by depinz smile_at_you by depinz song by depinz sweet_connection by depinz blowing by depinz U-ichi by depinz




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Features

Thu Dec 10, 2015, 5:02 PM by CarlaSophia:iconcarlasophia:


What's new


The world is becoming a very scary place...

Before the storm I by CarlaSophia Sunset at the beach by CarlaSophia

The golden hour calendar by CarlaSophia

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:santa: :icondawnpu: :santa:
Taoist Temple2 by dawnpu SWX by dawnpu Bamboo Brook by dawnpu Txmp by dawnpu one concept for a online game by dawnpu tea garden by dawnpu

:santa: :icondawnstail: :santa:
Was that the direction I wanted to go? by dawnstail I ate! by dawnstail Jingwei by dawnstail Don't you go? by dawnstail Tanabata by dawnstail sky flight by dawnstail

:santa: :icondb-imagery: :santa:
..proxygen.. by db-imagery ..something in the way.. by db-imagery ..anodyne.. by db-imagery ..le south.. by db-imagery ..steamboat falls.. by db-imagery ..after life.. by db-imagery


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Happy Halloween!

Wed Oct 28, 2015, 4:08 PM


What's New


Goodbye core membership... until... well, whenever lol
Happy Halloween everyone, have fun! :pumpkin:

This is Halloween by CarlaSophia - Halloween I - by CarlaSophia - Halloween - by CarlaSophia Halloween 09 by CarlaSophia Halloween 2007 by CarlaSophia

New: Before the storm by CarlaSophia Autumn by CarlaSophia

Calendar: The golden hour calendar by CarlaSophia

Hide and Seek on Halloween  :witch:  This is Halloween  Jack Skeleton Chibi  -:Halloween:- 


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Features




Features

Tue Oct 13, 2015, 2:31 PM


What's New


Using my last 2 weeks of my "core membership"... od course, using the skin of my favourite holiday :D
Enjoy my calendar, more to come :aww:

The golden hour calendar by CarlaSophia

Featured Artist



:pumpkin: :icondarksoul4life: :pumpkin:
On Expedition by darkSoul4Life Like a Leaf in the Wind by darkSoul4Life Snowy Portrait by darkSoul4Life Mother and Daughter by darkSoul4Life Lynx by darkSoul4LifeCute Serval Kitten by darkSoul4Life

:pumpkin: :icondashakern: :pumpkin:
Welcome sunrise by dashakern Begin a new day... by dashakern Euphoria by dashakern Wish upon a star... by dashakern Let's come back to Winter by dashakern Far across the distance by dashakern

:pumpkin: :icondastok: :pumpkin:
.tg. by dasTOK .ill. by dasTOK .12.01.23. by dasTOK .K. by dasTOK .PP. by dasTOK .hamburg. by dasTOK


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Features!

Thu Oct 8, 2015, 1:02 AM


What's New


Hope for a better day II by CarlaSophia

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:star: :icondapicture: :star:
Fragments of Glamour by Dapicture Lighthouse on the cliffs by Dapicture Kuang Si Waterfalls by Dapicture Amsterdam II by Dapicture Glory Times II by Dapicture Last Dinner by Dapicture

:star: :icondark134: :star:
Sleep Song by Dark134 Death Jester by Dark134 Shiva by Dark134 Sarturnus by Dark134 Won't come back by Dark134 Tears flow in you by Dark134

:star: :icondarksaif: :star:
New York - Times Square by DarkSaiF New York - Buildings II by DarkSaiF New York City by DarkSaiF New York - One Way... by DarkSaiF Time by DarkSaiF New York - Night by DarkSaiF


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Measured by IvanAndreevich Misty River by artsaus Lady Money by naturaljuice Everything dies by liransz Where Are We Going? by pacificdreams Shy by ElenaDudina Such an Incredible High by JenniferHealy Even on a cloudy day.. by azuzephre Shiba Inu and friends by ethe